5 Housemates You Will Meet at Uni

1. The one who leaves notes
2. The High Flying “Promoter”
3. The weird one that disappears/who you forgot
4. The absurdly tidy on
5. The “Promiscuous” One

There’s always one person who anally labels everything from Milk to pilchards. Frankly, it seems like some sort of an insult that they’d assume you would actually want to consume their jar of pickled onions or 13p noodles.

Cross this individual at your own peril, however, as more often than not, they can turn absolutely mental as seen below.

Even some of us were them at some point. But arguably one of the most annoying people that will plague your social media channels every week is the “promoter”.

Usually, this is a guy who wears a snapback, slicks his hair back shouts “LADS!” at every slump in conversation and prides himself on getting a free bottle of 10cl Grey Goose which he parades all over his Facebook page.

The real irritating nature of the promoter becomes more apparent as you progress through your degree, when in your final year your Facebook is STILL inundated with event invites of which none of them you can attend (even if you wanted to) therefore confirming the sad realisation of your non-existent social life.

“You know who I mean!.... The guy! The….. Estonian?!”

Simply put, it’s the person who appears in one of your pictures on Facebook in Freshers, and then all of a sudden you either

A) Never see them again from that point onwards or

B) you realise halfway through the year that you live next door to them, and it’s them that makes weird scratching noises in the night.

They also probably eat odd smelly food, which contains no vowels in a 13-letter word like “pswryychglty” or something like that. (That’s not real by the way).

They will therefore be known as “The weird food guy” or something to that effect.

From the outset, you think it’s a great idea to live with someone who is tidy and can clean your plates.

Oh how naïve we once all were.

Not until you live with a demon of this nature can you truly understand the horror of “The Tidy one”.

Any item which is left out of its place, be it a pencil or a lid for a jar which you forgot to replace,

“The Tidy one” will ensure you are punished for every mistake you make within their domain, which tends to be the communal kitchen.

At some point, “The Tidy One” will eventually erupt in a seemingly unprovoked screech of words and strewn tea towels.

If compared to a Pokemon, it would probably be some OCD evolution of Charizard.

There’s definitely always a housemate who gets about. And if you think that there wasn’t one in your house, chances are, it was you. More often than not there will be mysterious banging noises and/or groans from their room, and many a man/woman will be seen tip toeing out of their room in the wee hours. All of this essentially stems from the innate inability to consume alcohol in any proportion. Blame the alcohol, but it happens far too many times for it to be pinned down just from drinking too much.

Worst of all is definitely the noise. You can never ever look at this one in the same way after seeing some of the people that bring it home. Ever.

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Jake Li

University of Westminster Student

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